Christmas Began on a High Note
I placed a cinnamon candle in the foyer of my NJ home to greet family members as they arrived. In the living room by the fireplace, we drank wine, and nibbled on grapes, chips, and cheese, and listened to holiday standards,. As the kids played with their new toys, my uncle and cousin chatted about football; my aunt and my cousin’s wife discussed my sister’s new job. Once everything was ready, we sat down in the dining room.
I felt proud, setting the serving platter in the center of the table. The pork was falling off the bone. (I had used the bag method of cooking), and next to bowls of savory sides, the silverware and porcelain sparkled. We said grace, and we covered our plates with rich gravy. In between bites, my uncle made a sarcastic joke about my brother’s holiday vacation plans. We all smiled and chuckled at the mention of my great aunt’s cockapoo, Everything was going great until my cousin Ralph got to his third drink.
Things Took a Turn
The kids had just finished eating and had run upstairs to try out a new video game. My Aunt Susan was picking at her roasted vegetables. Kathy, my cousin’s wife, was talking about plans for her son’s upcoming birthday party. I scooted my chair forward as Ralph slid in behind me. Right before he sat down, he demanded to know my opinion about the mask mandate that Biden planned to introduce during his first 100 days in office.
No one liked wearing masks, but most people in NJ and around the world agreed that wearing face coverings made sense. As far as we knew, Covid was spread by droplets in the air; logically speaking, masks limited transmissions. Unlike Ralph, I didn’t think that the mandate was extreme or that it’d last forever, nor did I think that the policy would become oppressive over time. Anyway, I shrugged to keep the conversation civil and kept my opinions to myself.
“Biden’s new mask mandate is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard,” he added, addressing my uncle, Thomas, a Biden supporter.
“You know what I think is stupid?” Thomas replied. “I think it’s stupid to trust a guy that refuses to disclose his tax returns.”
Upstairs, the kids didn’t hear rude comments and nasty insults that followed. With a curse, Ralph called Biden a joke. In a holler, Thomas called Trump a fraud. They accused each other of lying and of being stupid and uninformed. Thomas stormed off to the patio. Ralph spent the evening watching tv in the basement. The tension that evening loomed through dessert, and everyone went home early.
This Year, We’re Prepared
The spread of Covid made it easy to avoid getting together at Easter that spring or for Thanksgiving last fall. Now, with Christmas around the corner, the family mentioned doing something at my place again. After I mentioned the argument during our last holiday, Susan and Kathy talked to Ralph and Thomas, who agreed to “keep it light”. Still worried that things could get out of hand, Aunt Susan, Kathy, and I have been emailing each other articles, discussions, and videos on how we might keep the peace.
Three Distraction Defenses
Right now, our plan of attack is to use three types of distraction defenses that include: topic changes, “help me” scenarios, and activity redirects that might just help Ralph and Thomas relax and let everyone enjoy the night. If Ralph announces during dinner that there’s no way that he’ll get vaccinated, as I expect he might, one of us can interject a reflection question, for example, that might just halt the momentum of his tirade.
“Maybe you had a bad experience with immunizations?”
“You talk to a lot of people that agree with this view?”
“Choosing between freedom and safety can be challenging for everyone.”
If a topic changer is not enough to get Ralph to settle down, we might gently shift him away from his rant by throwing out a “help me” scenario. At a rude comment, I might offer, “Maybe you can help me in the kitchen. I can’t seem to get the oven to turn off”. At various points in the evening, Aunt Susan or Kathy might have trouble “finding” the tv controller. One of us might suddenly need help with the thermostat, for example. It’s unlikely that a radical guest can focus on completing a task and on spewing a political view at the same time.
In addition to topic-changers and help-me scenarios, activity redirects might also help to save our Christmas gathering this year. If Ralph or Thomas mouths off about a controversial topic, one of us might swoop in with a change of activity. If we’re at the end of dinner, I might suggest that everyone move to the living room for the football game. If Susan’s in the kitchen cleaning up, she might suggest that everyone take a walk. An argument in the living room might be the perfect moment to start dessert in the dining room, for example. Filling the mouths of these revolutionaries with cheesecake might be an easy way to help everyone enjoy the holiday.
Thank you for reading.
jjirout.wordpress.com
Originally published at http://jjirout.wordpress.com on December 12, 2021.
